First thing’s first: It’s been such a long time since I’ve written an article that the, uh, geniuses at the SB Nation mothership decided to completely abandon the back end article-writing software, opting for a far more confusing, far less intuitive platform called WordPress. It’s terrible, but it’s what we have, so a lot of the formatting is going to look wonky as you (hopefully!) read through this article. It took me far longer to put this together than it should have, but we got what we got. And don’t even get me started on the trash photo editor.
Your Washington State Cougars took to the gridiron on Saturday in what is probably the least-anticipated season of my lifetime, due to myriad factors. I won’t rehash those here, because I am sure that if you’re reading, you’re well aware of them all.
There are lots of dumb axioms, sayings, and quotes when it comes to college football, but the one I actually buy is this – the most improvement a team makes week-to-week takes place between the first and second games. I think that’s true. And I hope to God I’m right, because after watching that abomination, I have to think there isn’t much room to get worse.
So yeah, regardless of the reasons we’re here, the Cougs began the Jimmy Rogers era on Saturday night, and it was nice(ish) to have actual football to watch, even if said actual football wasn’t the most aesthetically pleasing 3.5 hours a person could spend. All new faces on the staff, almost all new faces under the helmets, and a bizarre scheduling situation make for some proverbial rough seas, but let’s all pile onto the good ship Coug for another trip, shall we?
- 1-0! Doesn’t really matter how we got there, or how many Pacific Ocean-sized potholes were along the path. In the end, WSU emerged victorious, which is kind of the whole point.
- Defense! Defense! While the offense didn’t know its ass from a hole in the ground, the Cougar defense pretty much saved the day. Idaho may have rushed for nearly 200 yards, but it took 45 attempts to get there. Through the air, Idaho gained just 33 net yards, averaging a ghastly 1.6 YPA. One thing that has absolutely killed WSU defenses over the years in explosive plays. On Saturday, the defense didn’t give up a play longer than 16 yards. It also forced three turnovers, which pretty much saved the day. Even Idaho’s one touchdown drive took 16 plays.
- Caleb Francl had a solid WSU debut, collecting 11 tackles overall, and somehow inducing two 15-yard penalties out of the Idaho quarterback. Those should count as tackles-for-loss or something.
- What a hit by Malaki Ta’ase, as he never gave up on a Joshua Wood run, drilling the Idaho QB 15 yards downfield and forcing a fumble that Raam Stevenson recovered.
- Even the defensive backs showed some impressive physicality. Colby Humphrey was making hits all over the place, and Matthew Durrance notched both a TFL and a forced fumble that set up a WSU scoring chance.
- The Cougs look to have at least three solid receivers in Josh Meredith, Tony Freeman and Jeremiah Noga. Meredith made a magnificent catch for WSU’s lone TD, Noga made a couple tough catches over the middle, and Freeman was incredibly slippery after the catch. The flashes they showed were enough to make a guy wish they’d been fed more often!
- One of the funnier moments – which is why it’ll go in this category – was when Noga got bumped near the sideline and went full-on “landing gear up!” to try and draw a flag. Buddy, I know they’re Pac-12 refs and all, but this ain’t soccer.
- Potter showed some solid ability at times, particularly on that last drive when the Cougs absolutely needed a score.
- I thought it was very good that Idaho’s coach, who had his FBS opponent on the ropes decided to kick a tying field goal from inside the 10 yard line in the last two minutes. I really appreciated that, coach!
- I don’t know what WSU’s new kicker Jack Stevens was doing last year, but one game was enough to make me wish he’d been the kicker in 2024! I know those weren’t exactly two of the longest kicks he’ll see, but they were solid, and for someone who had never kicked under that kind of pressure, he game-winner was perfect.
- Possibly my favorite part of the entire telecast came when they showed some of the old WSU-Idaho ticket stubs and accompanying, uh, art work? That was some funny stuff, but the thing that got me was when I saw the $0.25 face value. I immediately thought, “If you paid 25 cents to watch whatever this is tonight, you got ripped off.”
- Way too much to choose from after a win! We’ll start with the telecast to soften the blow. Feels like we didn’t need to see the Neckcar postrace burnouts etc, but maybe that’s just me. I still don’t know who the play-by-play announcer was, just like he didn’t seem to know who WSU’s quarterback was, as he referred to Jaxon Potter as “Wood” several times. Then there’s Ryan Leaf. Is there really nobody else who wants this job? He’s just so bad. My favorite Leaf moment was when he complimented the Idaho fans for loudly chanting “Let’s go Vandals!” Um, Ryan? Those weren’t Idaho fans. And they definitely weren’t shouting, “Let’s Go.”
- Never in the history of college football has anyone ever gained an advantage by sitting on the starting QB announcement until game time. No once. Not ever. Never. And yet, these doofus coaches still do it, as if it’s the goddamn Manhattan Project. Have you ever heard of a coach waiting to announce his QB until the first game, and then that team being worth a damn? Me neither.
- Leaf had another funny moment when he tried to laud the WSU defense by saying that Idaho’s first downs had only been a yard beyond the line to gain. Oh, well that makes it all better I guess.
- Can someone teach Ryan how to pronounce, Meridian, Idaho? That was painful to hear.
- I mentioned the newness of this season, and for me this has come with a gigantic case of “I have no idea who anybody is.” Ain’t the transfer rule great?
- I now it was the first game, with lots of new players and a new staff, but here are a few things that happened: A delay of game on a punt; a timeout between the first and second quarters; two false starts in three plays on a drive that began at their own 10; WSU spiking the ball with one timeout remaining, then calling that timeout with the clock stopped. WHAT ARE WE DOING
- Way, way too many drops.
- Tony, I know you’re eager to catch a punt, but maybe you shouldn’t do so inside the five? Just spitballing here.
- Potter was good when he had to be, but damn did he miss badly a couple times. After WSU got its first fumble, the OC called a play where Potter fakes an underneath route and hits the receiver going up the sideline. Meredith was wide, wide wide open, and Potter missed him badly. Gotta have those.
- I’m old enough to remember Victor Wood, the Idaho QB’s dad. Sad face.
- Sooooooo this new punter ain’t good.
- It wouldn’t be a Pac-12-adjacent game without terrible officiating, such as: Taking like four minutes to decide whether there should be 11 or 16 seconds left in the half, even though it didn’t matter either way; throwing an obvious flag for an Idaho illegal block, then talking about it and deciding that the obvious illegal block wasn’t actually a penalty because reasons; do the Cougs get credit for winning the game twice since the refs decided to let Idaho have an extra play?
- Where to begin with this offense? The thing I kept wondering after watching garbage play after garbage play was this – What exactly is this offense? What does it want to be? What’s the identity? I realize that it’s hard to figure out who/what you are when the alleged FBS line is getting its ass kicked every play by the FCS defensive line, but still…I watched the entire game, and have no clue what this offense is supposed to be.
- For real though that offensive line performance was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve seen on a football field, and I witnessed the Wulff era!
- No effing clue what the point of bringing in Dugger was, unless the new coach was trying to vie with Nick Rolovich for most galactically stupid WSU head football coach of all time. I can’t be the only one who immediately thought of Rolovich’s idiotic QB decisions during the 2021 opener, particularly near the goal line. Both Rolovich and Rogers’ decision to “mix things up” failed spectacularly.
The Cougs are 1-0, and opened as a 3.5-point favorite next week against future conference-mate San Diego State. Thankfully, the game is in Pullman and not that ice rink they played on last season. Νext week’s game is another late one, and is once again airing on (gulp) the CW.
This Week (Month? Year?) in Parenting
Been a minute, eh? I’ve taken a few notes and pics along the way, so buckle up.
- The youngest and I were watching an NBA game (a definite rarity!), when I began commenting on the hideous state of shoe style on these players. In this case, some guy on some team was wearing sea foam green sneakers. He was quick to retort that I didn’t like the shoes because I “don’t know ball.” Well then. For real though, wtf is with these shoe colors? Ghastly
- We found a dead bug in the bathroom one day, and the youngest was trying to figure out a way to scoop it up. I suggested that he use the toilet paper roll, which had been exhausted. He then began to tear the cardboard roll instead of simply removing the rack, like normal. I asked why he didn’t take off the rack, and he said he didn’t know how. Parenting failure on multiple levels. It wasn’t the first time, nor will it be the last.
- Every now and again, the kids like to attempt the NYT Wordle and Connections puzzles. One day the oldest decided to send me his Connections results, which prompted a response.
Yep, flexing on my kid about an internet puzzle. This is my life now.
- Some time around the holidays, I turned the kiddos onto Cart Narcs. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and go to YouTube asap. This man and his team are doing God’s work, because there are few forms of life on earth lower than people who don’t return carts properly. After one episode, the youngest confessed to me that his dream job is no longer to be a doctor. Instead, he wants to be a cart narc. There are worse professions, right? RIGHT??!!
- As I’ve told several folks over the last few years, the oldest studies more in one semester of high school than I did in four years. Make of that what you will. Like any teenager, he spends 99.999999% of his home time in his room, emerging only to eat, leave the house, or tell us he needs money. Much of his study time takes place in his bed, which I discourage. So I asked why he continues to do it. “Because I’m comfortable in here.” Yeah, no shit. Nearly everyone is comfortable in bed. I then explained that it’s unlikely that he’ll be allowed to take tests in bed while at school, and suggested that he spend more time studying at his bedroom desk. You’ll be stunned to learn that this fell on deaf ears.
- In November, we officially became a three-car household, as the oldest got his license. Setting aside the fact that I may need to start a GoFundMe to pay the staggering car insurance bill, it created a bit of independence, not only for him but for Mrs. Kendall! As part of my side-hustle working for Air Force One, I was able to take a handful of overseas trips this year, two of which were to Rome and London. Now that the oldest can get his younger brother to and fro, Mrs. Kendall was able to tag along for a good portion of the trips. Yep, we are those people who leave our kids to their own devices at the house for a week at a time. Fortunately, either nothing adverse happened during parental absence, or they got really good at covering their tracks. Either way, I’m calling it a win. Mrs. Kendall declined to join me in Abu Dhabi. Can you believe it!?
- Piggybacking on the kid’s newfound freedom, Mrs. Kendall was cooking dinner one Sunday evening, and realized she needed something from the store, so she tasked the oldest with making a run. He was eager to comply. When he got back, she realized she needed something else, so back he went. I’m pretty sure he’d have gone to the store 10 times because it meant he got to leave the house. I’m looking forward to his 21st birthday so he can come back with beer.
- One semi-tradition the youngest and I have is going to the Senior Bowl every year. 2025 was set to be no exception, until we learned that the oldest had a wrestling tournament. Oy. If your kid is a wrestler, or if you were yourself, you know that going to a tournament is an exercise in patience and confusion. Nobody really knows who is wrestling and when. So mom and I went separately, and I took along the youngest and his buddy, with the intent of heading to Mobile after watching the oldest wrestle. He did get on the mat once, and went down to defeat after a long struggle. Since we didn’t now when the next match would, or even whether there would be another one, I headed west. The game was “sold out” as it always seems to be, even though at least 30% of the seats remain empty throughout. As a result, I was transported back to my olden days of scalping a few tickets. This did not sit well with the kid, who isn’t used to old-school ticket procurement practices. I’d decided that I wasn’t going to pay more than $20 each. After all, the only real reason the kids wanted to get in was to try and get some signatures. The first, um, entrepreneur we encountered was demanding $100 for three tickets. I told him I had $60 (I had more but he didn’t need to know that). He laughed and said, “it’s sold out!” Cool, I said, and moved on, walking two steps to the next, um, entrepreneur. After some haggling, I got what I wanted, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the kiddo do a fist pump. We were in. When I got to my seat, Mrs. Kendall sent me a message that the oldest had another match and…HE HAD WON!!! I was elated for him, and bummed that I missed it. She sent me video, and after he pinned his opponent, he appeared too exhausted to celebrate. So to recap, while my son was clinching the first wrestling victory of his life, his old man was exposing the other son to the art of purchasing tickets on the secondary market. Unrivaled parenting over here. The postscript was pretty good, though, and Kyle Williams came over, signed the boy’s Coug helmet, and even gave him a glove. Go Kyle forever.
- I don’t know if any of you have an XBox, or kids who play XBox, but the subscription nonsense seems to be like everything else these days, meaning constant price increases. Earlier this year, I decided to scale back the monthly fee to the middle tier. This met minimal resistance for a bit, until the youngest wanted to download a new game. I assumed it was something like NBA Live or MLB whatever. Nope. It was a game where you use a pressure washer. A pressure washer. I denied the request, under the guise that he doesn’t need to use a pressure washing simulation when I have one he can use right in my garage!
- The oldest had a formal event for Junior ROTC in the spring, and asked if he could wear my formal shirt (known as a mess dress) for the occasion. The shirt has some nuance, as only the top and bottom buttons are sewn in. The rest are kind of like cufflinks, requiring manual installation. So he goes to the event, comes home, and then decides to ask why the shirt was missing buttons. Like, wtf? You didn’t think about the button issue before you left? Maybe, I don’t know, ask a question? Nope, not my kid. He just decided to wear a buttonless shirt all night.
- The oldest kiddo’s spring football set of practices rolled around in early March, beginning with a coaching staff/parent info session. It was the usual boilerplate stuff, introducing the staff, talking about the offseason program, saying he wanted this to be his last job etc. etc. The last bit was important, because he was the third varsity coach in the three years my son had been in high school. So imagine our surprise when, on June 18 – just over a month before practice was set to begin – that same coach resigned. So now we are working on our fourth coach is four seasons. You’ll be stunned to learn that the program has suffered a lot of player attrition over those years, and you’d think that at some point, the person charged with hiring a football coach might feel a little pressure. The lesson? No matter the level of the job (pro, college, high school or whatever), no matter how successful a program may be, when a coach tells you they want to be at your place forever, never ever ever believe them.
- In a lighter moment, the family (save the youngest) likes to watch Jeopardy. Both of them get some clues correct, the oldest more often, which makes sense. That caused a little cockiness to creep in, and he began bragging about his Jeopardy prowess vis a vis yours truly. So we sat down and watched an episode, and be the end of the first round he had retreated to his room. Maybe some day, kid, but not today.
- In addition to football, spring brought baseball for the younger kiddo. He played rec league again, and did well enough to make the all-star team, which ended up finishing second place in the panhandle region. New we are gearing up for fall baseball, which itself has brought a suitcase full of drama I’ll recap down the road, probably next week. During the season, though, the oldest resumed umpiring duties, and was working the bases for one of my kid’s games. In the first inning, he totally blew a call that ended up costing his brother’s team pretty badly. Think that resulted in a little tension at home? Unfortunately for the umping half of the children, his home plate umpire is the biggest coward I’ve ever seen officiating any level of athletics. That is not an exaggeration. His antennae are constantly up for even the slightest comment, at which point he threatens to throw out the offender. And in the case of the missed call, our coach appealed to him since he was the lead umpire, but instead of talking the play over with my kid and trying to find the best solution, he simply said, “It’s his call. I didn’t see anything.” So to recap, guy with decades of experience hung the new kid out to dry. Absolute coward. Later he screwed up a count that also cost my our side dearly, but we didn’t dare utter a word, lest we be thrown out of the park. Loser.
- The youngest is also becoming more of a football fan, and it’s like looking at my younger self insofar as the takes are red hot, and they are nonstop. We were watching the NFL draft, and when Colson Loveland was selected, he says “he’s too small for a tight end.” And did you know that the Raiders didn’t need a running back? That was his response when they took Ashton Jeanty. I had no idea! His primary measuring stick for the new NFL draft class was how well they played against Texas. If a player did well against the Horns, he was a great pick. So now you know.
- The end of May brought the end of school, and the end of what remains of Mrs. Kendall’s sanity, as she faces the prospect of her oldest son flying the coop. We aren’t at DEFCON 1 just yet, but if I look hard enough, I can see it from here. Also, we decided to take the kids to New York City when school ended, which I may recap later on. As far as this space is concerned, the youngest had been badgering us for several months about getting a modern-day deathtrap e-bike. We tied it to grades, telling him that if he got all A’s and one B, we’d split the cost with him, under the proviso that he would not be departing our subdivision. One morning while Mrs. Kendall and I were in the hotel gym, we told the kids to go on a walkabout instead of staring at their phones, so they wandered over to the MLB store near Times Square. A few minutes later, I get a text that asks, “If I give up the bike can I get a jersey?” My antennae immediately went to full mast, because there’s always an angle. I asked which jersey he wanted, and he said either Cal Raleigh, Ichiro or Griffey. I said we would discuss it in a bit. So we reconvened in our room, and the first thing I said was, “If you get the jersey, that doesn’t mean you get to ask for the bike for your birthday, Christmas etc. I know what you’re up to.” His change in expression gave it away. Still, he persisted with the jersey, so a few days later we went back to the MLB store.
Your boy here may have got caught up in the hype, as I gave in to temptation and both both a Griffey jersey and Mariner hat in the city connect theme. I may even wear the jersey once or twice. We’ll see.
- Summer also brought what should be the final stages of the oldest kiddo’s Boy Scout career, as he undertook his Eagle Scout project. He was planning to build a wading pool at a nearby turtle sanctuary, and had a list of required supplies. The only thing not available locally was a pond liner, so I looked on Amazon and the options were plentiful. For some reason I didn’t order one. A few days later, I woke up before my alarm, thinking, “So I should probably look into that pond liner.” A detailed search on Amazon and Walmart+ yielded plenty of results…none of which ended with the liner getting here in time. F***ing great. Calls to local water feature/pond installers (all one of them) brought no help. We had already delayed the project once, and we were looking at a very real possibility that we’d have to delay it again because I was asleep at the mouse click. Great. But I kept at it, and finally (Finally!) I found one that would be delivered Saturday by 10 p.m. Did I mention the project was to take place on Sunday? Think I was sweating that one out? Thankfully, it did arrive on time, and we were a ‘go’ for launch. It was hot. So, so hot. But several bags of concrete, several yards of chicken wire, hours of trowling and yes, one pond liner application later, the big turtle had her wading pool, all courtesy of the 16 year-old and his fellow Boy Scouts/parents.
- The busiest weekend in these parts during the summer comes in mid-July, when the Blue Angels hold their annual airshow over Pensacola Beach. The beach is busy enough during most summer weekends, but Blues weekend would lead one to believe that every living person south of the Ohio and East of the Mississippi converge on the little strip of land. It results in wall-to-wall people and standstill traffic. In other words, a place I avoid at all costs. Saturday is the main show, and was also the day before the aforementioned Eagle Scout project, about 20 minutes east of Pensacola Beach. The kid had a meeting at the turtle place to make sure everything was ready, and then headed home. There are two (and only two) ways to get here from there: 1) Head north across the causeway, then west on the highway. 2) Head west along the beach road, through Pensacola Beach, then north across the causeway over there. I’m going to assume that almost none of you have visited this area, but with my opening description of Blues weekend on Pensacola Beach, which route would you have chosen? Welp, you’ll never guess which route my knuckle-headed driver picked, turning a 20-minute drive into a nice, clean TWO HOURS. Centuries from now, people will wonder what on earth would possess anyone with a cursory knowledge of the area and weekend’s events to take the route directly through the madness. Yep, that’s my kid.
- The summer concluded with a road trip, as the oldest and I piled into the family truckster (or my Accord) and traversed the South to visit some regional schools. The road took us to Athens, GA
In both Knoxville and Starkville, we were able to take advantage of security gaps and talk our way into the stadium for a photo. The tour at Georgia took us into the stadium, while Clemson locked everyone out and Ole Miss neglected a stadium pass-by altogether.
1 – Walking tours in the South during the summer are really goddamn hot! As if anyone needed reminding.
2 – College walking tours – kinda useless! If you’re thinking about touring a school, just arrange a few meetings with the financial aid department/housing department/whatever the kid is thinking about majoring in, then just walk about campus at your leisure.
3 – Lots of schools have creameries, which is rather awesome. Tennessee’s orange creamsicle ice cream was incredibly good.
4 – Even the large, public schools are far more competitive than I would have ever imagined. Average test scores and GPAs for newly-admitted students far exceed anything I was ever capable of achieving. Like seriously, I was stunned. I never would have stood a chance with my test scores and GPA.
5 – Some schools are far more forthcoming about the role that segregation and integration played in their school’s respective history than others.
Altogether, we put more than 1500 miles on the Truckster, and fortunately we had enough gas to make it home. The kid? Well that was a different story.
- Later, we watched that SEC show on Netflix, and it was rather procedural but still entertaining. One scene involved a Texas A&M player going to surprise his family. Mrs. Kendall said, “See, it’s always ok to surprise your mom!” I replied, “Unless it’s after 2 a.m.” The youngest couldn’t let that be the last word, chiming in with, “Or if your girl is pregnant.” Well then.
- The Mighty Dolphins had their first game of the season about 10 days ago, and the venue was like 90 minutes from here, so we decided to spend the night out there and do some school shopping for the youngest the next day. Yes, we are the parents who do school shopping after school has started. Turns out it’s actually great, because the outlet mall is pretty empty! The new hotness for the youths nowadays is apparently graphic t-shirts. So when the youngest found a Notorious B.I.G. shirt, it was like Ponce de Leon had discovered the fountain of youth. In the checkout line, I set the over/under at “wears per week” at 1.5, and asked him what he was taking. “I’d take over two.” Starting to think his teachers are gonna get nice and tired of that shirt.The oldest picked out a “Police World Tour 1982” shirt, which pleased me to no end, even though I’m rather certain he couldn’t name one The Police song if his existence depended on it.
- The youngest is now in 8th grade, and finally has a little homework. He has already decided that he has five good teachers and one bad one: his history teacher. So far I’ve discerned that he doesn’t like his History teacher because she doesn’t put up with any crap. The horror! Anyway, last week he came and asked me how he should make a small sketch of the Beringia. When I said I had no idea what he was talking about, he became incredulous. “How do you not know what the Beringia is??!! You majored in History!” Turns out History majors are required to know everything about the past. Ever. So now you know.
